Protecting and Preparing Children for Sex in Marriage (Part 2)
PART 2: CULTIVATING A BOY’S PURITY
In a world drowning in lust and obsessed with perversion, the most subversive thing a Christian father can do is raise a son who is self-controlled, sexually pure, and satisfied in Christ. This is not accidental. This is not optional. It is covenantal.
Solomon didn’t begin his lessons on sexual purity by warning about the temptress. He began by addressing the father:
“My son, observe the commandment of your father… to keep you from the evil woman.”
— Proverbs 6:20, 24
The first defense against sexual ruin is not software filters, accountability partners, or Bible studies—though those may help. The first defense is the father’s voice. His “mitzvah,” his command, is meant to be a shield. A firewall of affection and authority standing between his son and the flames of hell.
Below are ten commandments—ten covenantal charges every father must give his son if he wants to raise a man of purity in a culture of perversion.
1. COMMAND HIS BEING BEFORE HIS BEHAVIOR
Before you tell your son what to do, tell him who he is.
He is not an animal. He is not a slave to his urges. He is not a passive observer of his impulses. He is a covenant son of the Living God.
His masculinity must be anchored in restraint, not rage. In worship, not conquest. In holiness, not hormones.
Identity before morality. Being before behavior. Sonship before striving.
2. COMMAND RESPECT FOR WOMEN
Every woman is a daughter. A sister. An image-bearer.
She is not a tool. Not a fantasy. Not a product to consume.
Tell him: “That girl on the screen is someone’s daughter. And she is not your toy.”
Lust is not a victimless crime. It dehumanizes her and damns you.
3. COMMAND HIS EYES
Teach your son to make a covenant with his eyes like Job did (Job 31:1).
Give him boundaries to guard that covenant.
No screens unsupervised. No phones in bedrooms. No unfettered internet.
His eyes are the gates to his soul—train him to guard the gate until it opens for his wife.
4. COMMAND HIS SCHEDULE
The idle boy is the devil’s playground.
The fool in Proverbs 7 was destroyed not because he was looking for sin, but because he wandered near her corner.
Boredom is the hallway to temptation.
So fill your son’s life with purpose, labor, movement, and mission.
5. COMMAND CONVICTION, NOT COMPLIANCE
Don’t just say, “Don’t.” Say, “Wait. Because it’s worth it.”
Elevate covenant sex above casual perversion.
Let Proverbs 5 sound more glorious than Proverbs 7.
If you don’t make obedience beautiful, the world will make sin look divine.
6. COMMAND HIS AFFECTIONS
Ask him what he loves, not just what he does.
A boy who loves Christ more than lust will kill sin before it kills him.
Don’t parent to mere purity—parent to pleasure in God.
Make the beauty of Jesus his dominant affection.
7. COMMAND CONFESSION
Make your home a safe place to talk about sin without shame.
Tell him that bringing sin into the light is not rejection—it’s redemption.
Victory begins with vulnerability.
If he fails (and he will), let the first words he hears be: “Run to Jesus.”
8. COMMAND HUMILITY
Let your son see your scars.
Don’t parent from a pedestal—parent from the battlefield.
Say, “I’ve bled here. And I love you too much to let you bleed like I did.”
Your repentance will do more to disciple him than your pretending ever could.
9. COMMAND THE FEAR OF THE LORD
Sexual sin is not just about impurity—it’s about idolatry.
It’s not about losing virginity—it’s about forsaking the Lord.
Purity is not behavior modification. It is worship.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. So start there.
10. COMMAND HIM TO TREASURE THE GOSPEL
Purity is not how your son climbs his way to God.
Purity is how he walks as one already loved, already redeemed, already secure.
Teach him that Christ is not just his judge—He is his Savior.
When he falls, he must fall on grace. And rise by the Spirit.
“Such were some of you… but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified…” — 1 Corinthians 6:11
FINAL CHARGE TO FATHERS
Fathers, your words are not light. They are lamps—lighting a path through the minefield.
Or they are shadows, giving sin a place to hide. Speak now. Speak often. Speak with strength.
Command your son like his soul depends on it—because in many ways, it does.
Part 3 (Cultivating True Beauty In Our Daughters) drops tomorrow.
