Protecting and Preparing Children for Sex in Marriage (Part 1)
PART 1: THE WAR FOR OUR CHILDREN
While this topic may feel awkward, it has become unavoidable. For too long, the church has clutched her do-gooder pearls and blushed at the mention of sex, while the world has worked overtime—shameless, strategic, and saturated in filth. As Christians buried their heads in the sand like ostriches, pretending the danger would pass, the storm has only swelled. It hasn't dissipated. Instead, it has thundered forward.
So let me begin with this: there is a war going on in your living room. Not in Gaza. Not in Ukraine. Not in the Beltway. The most vicious, soul-damning battle of our age is for the minds, affections, and bodies of your children—and the battlefield is your own home.
While many Christian parents assume that exposure to the sexual chaos of our culture is something that might come later—perhaps in high school, or college, or when they leave the nest—the truth is this: the enemy does not wait. The serpent slithers in through screens, streaming platforms, and handheld devices, whispering lies to our sons and daughters before they know how to spell the word lust.
And the church has been far too silent.
I WAS UNARMED AND UNAWARE
I was twelve when I accidentally discovered cable pornography. I wasn’t looking for it. But it was looking for me. Showtime. HBO. Cinemax. Unrestricted and unsupervised. And before long, what began as accidental exposure became late-night curiosity, then shame, then addiction. And through it all, no one was talking to me. No one was preparing me. My parents were well-meaning, loving, Christian people—but they were asleep during the battle.
And I paid for it.
Decades later, I carry the scars of that unguarded youth. Scars that could have been prevented—not because I wasn’t responsible for my actions, but because I was left unarmed in a war I didn’t know was raging.
The problem isn’t just early exposure to sexual sin—it’s the demolition of what God made glorious. Sex is not a casual pleasure or a carnal convenience. It is embodied worship between one man and one woman in the holy covenant of marriage. It is covenantal fire—blessed when it burns in the hearth, destructive when it’s loosed into the wild.
But if our children do not know this… if they are not discipled in the sacredness of sex… if they are not shown that sex is beautiful because it is holy… then they will never know why it must be protected.
And if we do not teach them, the world will.
THE WORLD IS CATECHIZING YOUR CHILDREN
The world does not blush. It does not hesitate. It catechizes with boldness. It catechizes through TikTok, Netflix, YouTube, locker rooms, health class, and Disney+. It preaches a sermon of sexual autonomy, gender confusion, and the idolatry of pleasure—daily.
And if Christian parents remain silent, distracted, or too squeamish to speak plainly, then they are not just passive—they are complicit.
Let this sink in: your child will be sexually discipled. The only question is whether you will be the one doing it.
SOLOMON KNEW WHAT WE’VE FORGOTTEN
This is not a new problem. Three thousand years ago, Solomon saw the same war and laid down the same strategy:
"My son, observe the commandment of your father
and do not forsake the teaching of your mother…
For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;
and reproofs for discipline are the way of life,
to keep you from the evil woman…"
— Proverbs 6:20–24
Before warning his son about the seductress, Solomon starts with the parents. He doesn't begin with pornography, or temptation, or youthful lust—he begins with fathers commanding, mothers teaching, and both parents proactively building a firewall of truth.
Why? Because wisdom that is bound to the heart, wrapped around the neck, and woven into daily life will be the guardrail that keeps a child from sexual ruin.
The answer to our sexually broken world is not first a purity conference. It is not a book, a podcast, or a youth retreat. It is the God-ordained discipleship of mom and dad.
The living room. The dinner table. The bedtime routine. The early morning car ride. These are the holy spaces where truth must be planted, rehearsed, and celebrated.
And we must not ignore the distinction Solomon affirms: fathers command; mothers teach. Fathers must speak with authority; mothers must speak with consistency. Together, they must build a fortress of wisdom.
Because a child who is not trained in the beauty of sex within marriage will be seduced by the world’s counterfeits.
A child whose curiosity is never shepherded will find answers in the shadows.
A child who is left to navigate lust alone will be devoured.
THE WAR IS WINNABLE
Here is the good news: you are not too late. The grace of God is not only strong enough to cleanse you from your past—it is mighty enough to empower your children’s future. You may not have been raised in a sexually wise home, but you can raise one. You may carry scars, but by God’s grace, you can break the cycle.
But you must fight.
Speak plainly.
Pray fervently.
Bind the truth continually.
And don’t stop until your children are so saturated with wisdom that they can hear the smooth words of the seductress and say, “I’ve heard a better Word.”
Stay tuned for Part 2: “Fathers & Sons: Ten Commandments of Sexual Purity”—a practical blueprint for dads who are ready to fight for their sons.
